I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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