my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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