If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize