I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
