I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
