It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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