Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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