Is it because I queefed?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You ruined the universe
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
