Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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