Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
