I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
