I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
