Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
