i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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