We won't sleep together?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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