and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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