he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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