That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
