I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
