Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize