I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i out mim tonsoeep
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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