I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
