I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
