omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
