There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
