It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
