man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
birth control should be required to get into college
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
