That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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