that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
