got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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