Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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