So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
