My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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