Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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