The maid of honor just puked.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
