I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize