dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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