I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
