remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
