just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she smelled like a LAN party
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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