lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
