My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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