you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I just sharted jello shots
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