she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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