Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
