No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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