Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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