I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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