I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize