so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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