just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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