perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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