carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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