Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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