I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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