I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
