i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
