can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
