When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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