Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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