he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
